Can You Feel The Love Tonight

Ok so I have to say that I can really feel the love tonight, but lately it has been more and more every night. I am getting love from places I wouldn't think about getting it. I have had some rough times in my life and lately I feel that though I am having some rough spots the love keeps coming.

Some people have told me they love me lately and that has put a huge impression on my life that I must be doing something right. I want to start with my loving wife. Tracy is so wonderful and has supported me and helped me through so much lately and I am so grateful for all her support. I know that she has been through some really tough times that has changed her perception on what love is supposed to be like. A year ago we were not even in a position to want to talk to each other and now we are so focused on each other I can actually feel her love. I see her love in her decision making and how she interacts with my other siblings as well.

Mom told me yesterday that she loved me. I was there for mom as she cried at James Funeral and I have never desired to be close to mom before. I know love is a word that people just throw around and it can be meant as an excuse when people do things for others and they want to say something to make others feel better, But I can honestly say that mom meant it in a way that she truly does have a special place for me in her heart. I know that her and I have had our spats but I have grown more to love Joyce more now then I ever have in the past. Mother in laws can sometimes be the Cruella De Ville in their children's marriage but Joyce has always been such a wonderful person. I want to say that I really am grateful for Joyce and she is what I have always wanted my mom to be in my life. I guess I was jealous of Tracy because she has such a wonderful mom.

Tracy's sisters and brothers have been supportive of Tracy and I working through our tough times even though I had felt I didn't belong they are making me feel welcome in their homes and I am grateful for them.

My brother Stan has really been such a huge help for me this last 9 months since we have reconnected. I have seen him so much and he is being my big brother again as I had in my youth. He is about to get married to a wonderful girl and she and Tracy have been getting really close. Although I have been getting a few offers here in Texas to work, his door is still open to Tracy, Jr and I for us to move there if this is what Heavenly Father wants. I am just so grateful that I have a family here on earth that loves me as I have family waiting for me in Heaven to see me make it to the Celestial Kingdom.

I hope all of you can feel the love of your family and others in your lives.

Jeffrey Jr Baptism and Baby Blessing

Ok, we have decided on a date for the weekend of Jeffrey Jr Baptism and Ashlyn Baby Blessing. Its the first weekend of June 1st 2008. Fast Sunday would be the first of June and Jeffrey's Baptism would be the 31st of May.

We are giving "EVERYONE" and those of you who live out of town plenty of time to plan to be here. Jeffrey Jr wants the ENTIRE Family here for this event(All Cousins) and he will not take NO for an answer. Jeffrey said to me "Dad, I have been to all my cousins baptisms so will they be to mine?, I advised him that we would make sure that everyone was here. If this means assigning talks to Little Adam and Mckayla(wink wink)we can do that.

So Adam, Sonia, Taylor and Candra Please let us know that you will be here for this and what we can do to help you get here. Others that live in the metroplex shouldn't have an issue with being able to make it.

Dad if you can take pictures we would really welcome that.

A Promising Outlook or Another Let Down

I had a job interview at T-Mobil today and I had to take the assessment test. If I passed it (which I did) it led to an interview. If that went well then I was to have a 2nd interview with the Hiring Manager. That happened as well. I feel that the interview was a success and he even told me that he would have the HR/Recruiting department call and give me an offer with in 5 days.

I know that Tracy and I had been contemplating moving to Denver or staying here. If I get this position at T-Mobil it can open allot of doors for me. I would be doing Tech Stuff and I know they have great Benefits as well. Tracy would have to go back to work but for how long I don't know. I am still making that my focus to be able to bring her home. Now for the Denver part, She is willing to move there if she can be a stay at home mom. My issue is that I don't know if I want to do DTV. I mean it sounds good, money would be great, but working in Dry heat, and Freezing Snow since there are really only two seasons there just is not appealing to me.

Also after talking to the Bishop he said that once we pray and if we have a stupor of thought then its not right. Well I have had some stupor of thoughts and I have had some good ones too. But I have had some bad ones as well and they are usually the ones that would accompany I don't know if I would be happy kind of bad thoughts.. I don't want to move my family to Denver if I am not going to be happy doing that as a career. I want a happy wife but I am sure she wants a happy husband which will make me a better father to my kids as well.

Anyway, your prayers are welcome and we could use the blessings of family's including us in your prayers.

Down 2 Two Decisions

Ok so here it is. I was told in an interview with Corptax they were looking to fill 4 positions. I found out today that I was not selected as they are only filling one position for now. This puts us in a mad crunch on what to do. I told Tracy that if I didn't get this position with Corptax that we would have to move to Denver because bills needed to get paid and I was guaranteed a job with my brother making good money.

I have given Tracy 2 decisions to make. One is move to Denver so she can stay at home and be an at home mom, or two stay here an work. I might get hired by T-Mobile but that is not enough to allow her to stay at home. Also looking at another possibility is Verizon may bring me back on in their superpages department but then again like T-Mobil, its not enough and she will have to work. I don't want her to have to work but if this needs to happen then we have to do whats best for the family. Tracy said that it didn't make sense for her to go back to work and for us to pay $$ for the kids to be in daycare, however if she made about $30K per year half of what she makes would go to daycare and the other half is enough for us to get into a house, and pay our bills. We are going to look at the pros and cons of both and determine what to do.

We are both praying really hard on what to do. I have a feeling that even if we are not supposed to move that Tracy will want to move just so she can be at home with the kids. I totally support her being home as a stay at home mom but if we want to stay here it can not be done financially. I can go back to school and get my bachelors and then get into teaching/coaching but that takes time and $$ as well.

If we end up moving to Denver then I will be leaving in 1 week from now and will live with my brother Stan. I will be back for the baby to be born and to help move the family 6 weeks after that. Tracy does not want L J living here while I am in Denver but she has no choice. He can not move out now and find a place until he moves to my moms if we move to Denver. I am not going to do that to him and though it will be hard on some, sacrifices have to be made for the best. If we stay here he knows he has to find a roommate and move out by this fall.

I love my family and I just want to do whats best for us all.

My Writing Skills

So many of you may not know this about me but I do like to write really short poetic kinds of stories.

I wrote this poem some time ago. Its short but sweet and I was inspired at the time I wrote it. I feel that it has helped me look at my life differently and has helped me grow closer to my family and friends

My Date With Glory

As Im walking down the road through this milky white, its like I cant see in the dark with out a light. Its as if the snow keeps falling and its as deep as my head, its like I cant breathe " oh wait I am dead ".

As I enter this space its as bright and white, I see my family who lost a good fight. Those who came before me have been richly blessed, God had already told them they passed the test.

As I await my turn I see my Esther appear, holding this book about my life and she is shedding a tear. Its labeled my jeffy and its bound is gold, its my entire life story and this is what I'm told.

I was born into a family, so loving and wild, as I grew through out my years I had always been gods child. He watched me as the decisions i made, some he was not please and he forsake, that I would one day meet him after I came through the gate.

As my heavenly father approached and I saw his image divine, the tears of happiness had never been so divine. I fall to my knees as he stands there before me and he reaches down to lift me from knees, his hands so soft and gentle to me it seemed. He tells me that its my time to look back, on all the memories I made, he pointed out a few then told me that he always forgave. He smiled and looked at me in the eyes and told me "Jeffrey you have earned your prize".

A place in heaven you will be, forever and ever with your family. Just then my Esther walked up to me and said, see Jeffrey it was all in your head. You are someone special and loved by so many and now take your book and your place in eternity.

By Jeffrey M Wineberg Sr.

Jobless In DFW

I am jobless in DFW and it really sux. I have been looking and looking and applying to stay a head of the rest of the jobless here in DFW. I am hoping that something will come through for me and the family. I do have a job in Denver waiting for me if I can not find anything here to support my family. My brother works for a company called Ironwood and he makes 6 figures installing DTV. He said that my first year I would probably make 50K to 70K but is that what I really want to do. I know that people have to move sometimes to make things work.

I do miss my brother a lot and would really enjoy being closer to him so we can continue to build our relationship back the way we were growing up. I enjoyed our recent visit with them. They came for Tracy baby shower. Got some needed things like a new Stroller/Car seat(Thanks Stan and Debbie) Lots of cute clothes and diapers. I think thats whats going to be the biggest expense because I have a feeling she is going to be a little shit all the time!.(HAHAHA, just a little Dad Humor). If you don't know by know, you will quickly find out that I always speak whats on my mind but will keep it real and professional.

I have seen my brother many times this last 6 months. We all flew to Denver to have Thanksgiving with them and this is where Tracy and Debbie Bonded. It was great to spend time with them and catch up on allot of old times.

However I did have an interview with Corptax almost a couple of weeks ago and I am waiting to hear if I got the position or not. Its the same kind of work I was doing with Jack Henry but with Tax Software. I really want this position because it would afford to allow Tracy not to have to go back to work. If I don't get this position then I don't know whats supposed to happen. I guess I will be looking at going to Denver. I also have to do a test with T-Mobil, I just don't if that would pay enough to allow Tracy not go back to work.

I will leave you with my favorite quote...

" Nothing Happens But Unless First A Dream" by Carl Sandburg

Let the Blogging Begin!!!

"What...Wait... It can't be... HAHAHA yes it's reallly me, jumping on the band wagon and joining the scene." Blogging as bloggers do, telling people what is new, so friends of mine I am here at last to vent and cry and laugh with the best. (nice way to start my blog aaay!)

Stan and Debbie were here recently and Stan is my oldest brother of the siblings.(Let me take you back many years) My brother was my best friend growing up and he helped me become the independent side of me and confident side of me. From playing football to baseball we were inseparable. He went on to join the army because back then thats what you do is join the army, Dad was military and so on up the lineage. I however was going to go Air force because I got the brains of the family, and knew that if I was to ever go into the military, then I wanted the family oriented style of military. However I did decide not to go in. However my brother while in the army was in Bosnia, Somalia, Panama, and other political crap the president got us into. He lasted about 7 years and got out after my nephew, his son died in my parents back yard pool. This was the beginning of a 10 year cold war between our family where I lost contact with him because he separated himself from the family because it was hard on him.

Divorces were a dime a dozen and hit the family like Katrina hit New Orleans. My brother Stan got divorced from his wife, I got divorced from mine, then my parents and my brother David as well(another story but for psychotic blogs only). It was a tragic year for all of us. Mom went to jail because thats what happens to moms that watch kids who doesn't have a day care license and their nephew dies in the pool, locked up for 5 years and we all started the grieving process.
My mother became more crazy because thats what mothers do who get locked up for stupid life changing events.

Stan moved on with his life and disappeared for many years and I didn't know where he went.
I moved on with my life and did a college internship at Disney World for 6 months. Came home and moved to Salt Lake City. I worked for Corporate for Holiday Inn and then I met Tracy on LDSSO(Later Day Saints Singles Online) and we agreed to meet. Found out that her friends were my same friends and we didn't even know it until she came to visit on her way to meet her friends in California. That was a sign to me. Her visit with me went so well she never made it to California. We had a great week, she went back to Montana, I went to visit her two weeks later and moved her back to Salt Lake because i was not leaving Montana with out her.

This is where our lives changed for ever. We flew to Dallas to meet the Wynne family(thanks Dad I will never forget you for that) Stayed with Adam and Sonia. After we got home we got married a few months later in Vegas through the drive through because of family not wanting to work with us on a temple date we decided not to wait and just go do it and tell everyone later. I remember Reverend Hickey(Nice name for the pastor aaay!) stuck his head in the car and married us. What a story it makes for our kids. We laugh to this day.

Tracy got pregnant with Jeffrey Jr and we moved to Texas as she was close to delivering him and to allow her to be close to her sisters. Though she rarely sees them its nice because we do make it to the family functions. Jeffrey has enjoyed growing up around them all.

I worked at Rent A Center(Thanks Adam) then I got hurt. This opened the door for me to get my college degree and get a 4.0 GPA, and Most Outstanding Graduate Award. No one else in my family can say they got that!!! Work has been tough and being in the IT field it gets that way. From Contract Job to Contract Job until we land that full timer, its touch and go. We have had our struggles some more then others, but for some reason we cant get rid of each other. I guess Heavenly Father just has something else in mind for us and being divorced is not the answer. Tracy is pregnant with the 2nd child and has not had as many complications as she did with Jeffrey Jr. Though she is more moody, I hope this is not a sign that our little girl will be like that.

My brother L J (20yrs old) lives with Tracy and I because when my parents are not the answer for him and my other siblings do not have the patience, someone needs to help him get his life on track, so I being the closest to him have taken on that task. Though its hard on Tracy I do see my brothers improvements with life decisions(no he is not going on a mission) but he is working two jobs and will be moving out this fall and getting a roommate. If we move to Denver he is going to stay with my mother until he finds a roommate in Denver. He has already said that he doesn't want to go back to moms. Its nice to have family here around me because it helps keep me sane. He has been a huge help financially, pays the electric, TV, and internet which adds up to a lot of savings that Tracy and I would end up having to pay.

So you are caught up on a lot of things in the past, and now its on to the present. I may take a step back here and there but its to catch you up on some things so you fully understand where I am at.

Just remember, keep looking up because thats where it all is!!